watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
