After last night, I could never be a politician.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
