Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
