i would punch a child for taco bell
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
