12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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