he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
