Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
