You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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