I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
