It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
