How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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