The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
