I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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