He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
