yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize