i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
