He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
