alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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