Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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