Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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