Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
