All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
