Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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