so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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