jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
