I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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