Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize