sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Blood and glitter go together right?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
