the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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