How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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