In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
