drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
