I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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