Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
