so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
worst night to have a conscience
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
