Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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