u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
