You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
