Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
