Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
