They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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