Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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