I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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