Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
