That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
