You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
