Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
