He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
