After last night, I could never be a politician.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
