If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
