I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
