Having a random hookup so left but love u
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
