yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
