And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
