just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
