No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
