sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Even my vagina gasped.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
