Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
