dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize