i was born a porn star she said
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
