Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
