Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
