I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
