Can Purell be used as lube?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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