Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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