Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
