so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
