Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
