He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
