So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The ass gains better be worth it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
