Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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