he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
