Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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