I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize