Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
