i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
