My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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