Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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