i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
