That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
