Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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